(NY) This afternoon, CBS Executive producer of the hit show "Two and a Half Men" Chuck "Chaim" Lorre stunned broadcast media with the bold announcement that the show will resume filming new episodes next month. After this revelation, CBS attorney and Les Moonves bodyguard, Alfonse Spumonti added that an equally colorful replacement for drug and booze addled Charlie Sheen had been found and had just been signed to the last eight episodes of this season's program, with an option for next season's (24) episode taping schedule. The journalists present were screaming to each have their names called to answer the critical question, "Who is it?"
Finally, Mr. Spumonti called on a comely intern from "US" magazine, Ms. Bambi Cacciatore to ask the question on all of America's mind, given the slow media cycle with Paris Hilton on vacation and the Kardashian sister's in treatment for an unspecified STD. "Following terse negotiations over the past few days, we have finally come to mutually acceptable terms with Col. Moammar Qadaffi to replace Mr. Sheen. We sought an equally flamboyant and newsworthy substitute but slightly more stable and less inclined to spontaneous interviews and Tweeting at all hours of the day and night. We believe "Mo" will be an invaluable asset to the show and the entire CBS line-up. We have learned from our negotiations that "Mo" is not nearly as "rad" as Charlie Sheen or as unstable as the CIA and NSC assert. He also doesn't own an iPHONE or an iPAD.
Warner Brothers, producers of the show, expressed delight in the resumption in filming the hit show. Time Warner spokesman Yosemite Sam told reporters that the program hiatus was conservatively costing the parent company over $100 million a week.
Mujibar al-hambra Fatah. Press Secretary for Colonel Qadaffi was also asked to address the media. "His Highness believes this is an opportunity to show America his softer, gentler side. The Colonel is really not very different from most Americans, aside from 30 billion frozen dollars. He's even been known to eat a pork rind or two," al-hambra Fatah told the audience. When asked if this was simply a media ploy to free up the assets seized by the US State Department, the EU and the IMF, al-hambra Fatah became incensed and whipped out an AK-47.
"Would you care to rephrase the question?" The anonymous reporter then repentantly asked whether "His Highness" thought Sarah Palin might make any cameo appearances in upcoming episodes.