In an effort to make Americans conserve gasoline in this latest oil crisis, President Barack Obama has signed an emergency bill lowering the national speed limit a full 10 miles per hour, from 55 to 45. In addition, the President is asking the Department of Transportation to coordinate adding speed bumps on the nation's highways to slow everyone down.
Since no one is certain how much longer we can expect turmoil in the Middle East, not to mention imminent war in Libya, which is certain to drastically affect America's ability to get cheap oil, the measures were top priority for the White House.
Asked if speed bumps wouldn't cause harm to cars with faulty suspension systems, Obama simply said "Arrive Alive, Drive 45, Buckle Up and Save Oil," which he has dubbed the new official highway slogan. Unfortunately, no one really thinks this idea will catch on.
However, the National Association of State Troopers lauded the move. "Do you know how many drivers in this country can't even keep it at or under 55?" asked Biff Cunningham, President of the Association. "With this new law, we're gonna have people going so seriously over the speed limit, we're betting that speeding ticket revenue alone will pull many states out of the red and possibly save many teachers' jobs."
Upon hearing this latest news, Sarah Palin remarked, "Well, I swear. Even when Barack Obama steps in poop (referring to the protests in Wisconsin), he still can come out smelling like a rose, unlike some New Jersey governors I know."