Written by wadenelson
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Topics: Food, water

Tuesday, 13 September 2005

New Orleans - With law and order mostly restored, sufficient food and water for holdouts, and floodwater levels going down by the day, New Orleans has a new problem. Graffiti "Artists," a.k.a. "Taggers." Today, two FEMA employees and a fireman, reportedly members of the "CATFish Artists' Association" were arrested after tagging an abandoned house with their "signature" cross and logo.

Intead of wildly loopy curves, and virtually illegible gang logos, the CATFish gang uses simple ROMAN characters, and even dates their "tagging" which made it easier for police to determine the direction they were headed. To date, CATFfish members have reportedly tagged over 1200 homes

The gang sometimes, slightly varying their logo, such as adding a "P" for "Plasma TV" or "D" for Dell computer so when they return with a pickup truck, they know where to stop to pick up what, and whether a dolly, or forklift might be needed.

The Bush aquacade noticed literally "thousands" of houses tagged by these hoodlums, and the President vowed new legislation to make spray-paint harder to purchase. "We'll make it like getting a concealed gun permit," he said. "Fill in some paperwork, pay $25, and then wait. And wait. And wait."

While most taggers are simple hoodlums, the "artists" amongst them gradually develop a nouveau style, sometimes with breathtaking beauty. This group, however, sticks to simple fluoresent orange, and the same repetitious "swastika without it's heels" cross. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Four score and seven years ago our forefathers brought upon this continent rights which we all hold to be self evident. But freedom of speech doesn't necessarily include spray painting it across your neighbor's stucco. Now if it's clapboard, vinyl or aluminum siding, that may be different. A spokesperson for MOMA (Moma, not Momma) said that "art is in the holder of the rattle can."

Residents returning to the Big Easy won't have an easy time removing the tagging from their doors, walls, and gables, according to paint salesman Sherman Willams. "Let this stuff set up,d ry good, and it's gonna take sandpaper to get off." We recommend a Glidden "Cover-All" primer. But then again, if your house has a brown ring around it, you're going to be going with vinyl siding or a complete paint job anyway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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