BEVERLY HILLS - Angelina Jolie recently visited Dr. Vernon Celticbridge who is regarded as one of the foremost plastic surgeons in the country.
Jolie has revealed to several of her closest friends that she hates the way she looks when she looks in the mirror. One of her friends who has a rather pronounced sense of humor told her to simply not look in the mirror.
But Angelina has stated that she has written up a list of places on her body that she needs to get work done on. She said that first of all she needs to have a basic facelift.
She confessed that one day last week she went to pluck a wayward hair from one of her eyebrows and realized that her eyebrows had both slipped down and were now sitting on her eyelids.
Angelina also wants a neck lift because she is tired of having her Adams apple dangling uncontrollably in her cleavage.
And she blushed and said that she wants a tits lift so that they don't end up down around her belly button when she takes a shower.
Brad (Pitt) was asked what he thought about all of these cosmetic procedures and surgeries that Angelina wants done.
Pitt took a drink out of his bottle of Chivas Regal and responded by saying that she certainly needs to get some major work done because she is already starting to traumatize the kids, especially four-year-old daughter Shiloh Diamond who is already kind of messed up since she keeps telling her mom and dad that she wants to be a boy and not a girl.
Brad wants little Shiloh Diamond to be a girl but Angelina says that if Shiloh Diamond wants to become a boy then they can work it out where they can give her that as a birthday present sometime down the road.
In the meantime Jolie says she is going to keep on dressing Shiloh Diamond up in clothes like G.I. Joe outfits, which she loves, and other male clothes such as a Tony Romo Dallas Cowboys uniform complete with cup, Clint Eastwood cowboy duds, and Charlie Sheen beach bum shorts and Hawaiian shirts.
Angelina says that he has made it very clear to Dr. Celticbridge that when she gets done whatever it is she decides to get down that she wants to able to have people look at her and say, wow Angie looks like she could be Heidi Montag's sister, except of course for the fact that Heidi is blonde, taller, and nowhere near as talented in the acting department.
Meanwhile in other news. A team of scientific explorers in Loombeezi, Africa has discovered what is believed to be the world's first talking cricket. They did note however that the cricket only knows three words, "Chirp," "Christmas," and "Chicharito."