Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: intelligence, duck

Sunday, 11 September 2005

image for Bush Appoints AFLAC Duck Assistant Director of F.E.M.A.
The AFLAC Duck is to assist in New Orleans relief efforts.

(AP) In a move that surprised just about anyone who thought that George Bush had any intelligence left (all six of them), the President appointed the AFLAC duck to be the Assistant Director of F.E.M.A. and new head of the New Orleans clean up. Bush explained his decision by saying that "he's small, he can swim better than any of us, and he has a background working with an insurance company. All of these things will make him a valuable asset to the relief and recovery effort."

Almost one month ago, Bush was also met with scorn when he appointed former Green Acre's televsion character Arnold ZIffel to be the new head of the Department of Agriculture. Ziffel, a pig, was a minor character who grew up on another minor character's farm..

Reactions from the public were mixed:

"What's next?," asked Democrat Dick Gephardt, "Mr. Ed as head of the Department of Transportation because he can pull a wagon? How about Eddie the Dog as the next Surgeon General because he used to live with Dr. Frasier Crane?"

Rapper Lil' Dog Breath said that "this proves he is prejudiced against us because he appointed a white duck. If he really cared, it would have been a brother duck. I bet he saves all of the white pigeons and doves before he helps the crows or ravens."

Former Democratic nominees Al Gore and John Kerry were lunching together when they got the word. When asked for a reaction, Kerry said: "A duck? I lost to a guy that appointed a duck! He beat me without even having to recount Florida and he picked a duck! Who won Louisiana? Was it him or me?"

Gore, in the meantime, chocked on his sandwich and had to be given the heimlich maneuver to dislodge the blocked hoagie.

Vice President Cheney was not aware of the appointment. "He did what! He appointed the commercial duck! I told him not to make any decisions unless he consulted me or the Halliburton board! How does he expect me to run this country and make money if he goes off and does stupid things without my approval!"

The AFLAC duck in expected to fly down on his own this week to begin surveying the damage from the air. Hunters are advised not to shoot at him and are to be informed that he will be wearing an orange vest.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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