WASHINGTON (AP) After being relieved of his duties during the botched response to Hurricane Katrina, FEMA Director Michael Brown vowed that: "I'm going to go home and walk my dog and hug my wife and, maybe get a good Mexican meal and a stiff margarita and a full night's sleep." It now turns out that Michael Brown was unable to carry out even that simple list of priorities.
Several days later police were summoned to Mike Brown's suburban Washington home. Detective Andy Sipowicz described what he found at the Brown household: "We responded to a 911 call and had to bust in the front door since no one answered the doorbell and we could hear a dog squealing."
"The first thing we noticed were dozens of Taco Bell wrappers all over the foyer… man, this guy must have really like Bean Burritos!" said Sipowitz. On the way into the living room we found four empty bottles of Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila.
The scene was a real mess; tables turned over, broken lamps… Then we heard a woman crying in the corner of the room. There we found the lady of the house wearing a restraint type dog collar attached to a long nylon leash that was tied to the dog's crate."
"Mike said he was going to give me a
big hug... then he put this horrible thing on me!"
Continuing their investigation, the police went up to the second floor of the house. In the bedroom they finally found Michael Brown in a most embarrassing situation. He was lying naked and out of breath on top of the family dog and sobbing, "I never seem to be able to do anything right!"
"He said he was going to
take me for a walk, but I knew
something was wrong when he
led me up to the bedroom!"
Detective Sipowicz put a call in to the ASPCA to help with the horribly abused French Poodle.
"Stand up, Brown…. You're under arrest!"
"But what did I do wrong?" cried Michael Brown. "I went down to Biloxi to spend a little time gambling at the cheap slots. I didn't notice anything wrong until my feet started getting wet. Nobody told me anything about any hurricane. How was I to know? It wasn't like I was glued to CNN or anything. The next thing I knew everyone was pointing their fingers at me and saying that I was responsible for hundreds of people drowning. It's all just a big mistake I tell you!"
"Yeah, Brown…. Tell it to this scared little French Poodle… you're going to the pokey you filthy pervert loser!"
"We caught the perp doing the dog!"