Washington - President George Bush startled journalists at a press conference today when he revealed plans to launch a pre-emptive strike against a new and unexpected threat; the Moon. Under intense questioning regarding the lack of military resource available to deal with the hurricane Katrina disaster, Bush stunned the assembled reporters with his revelation. "We have received intelligence that the Moon has become a strong-hold for terrorists and enemies of the American people. We have no option but to consider a pre-emptive strike against this new and hostile enemy as a necessary part of the ongoing War On Terror. Any country, or indeed planet, that harbours these barbaric criminals and murderers, will feel the full force of the American people."
He went on to outline the terrifying scope of the threat: "There is evidence that the moon is operating as just one arm of an Intergalactic Axis of Evil, alongside Venus, Mars, and Uranus. America will not be bullied, intimidated, or beaten by these cowards". When queried about the credibility of the intelligence, Bush retorted: "We are facing a determined and technologically advanced enemy. We must not underestimate their cunning, or the lengths they will go to in meeting their deadly aims. But they will not break the resolve of my fellow Americans."
In the UK, Prime Minister Tony Blair was quick to show support for the proposal: "We have received "compelling evidence" that the moon presents a "clear and present danger" to the values of the West. We believe the Moon is hiding "Weapons of Mass Destruction" and we "stand shoulder to shoulder" with our American friends in the continuing "War on Terror"".
Peter Lock, from security consultancy 'World Wide Secure', rubbished
the claims of the US president. "Mr Bush has made an embarrassing error of judgement. He will be the subject of ridicule the world over. Not only has he called the Moon a "planet", but he has also failed to recognise that any self-respecting intergalactic terrorist would of course "hole up" on Pluto, where space telescopes cannot accurately track their position".
Civil liberty and anti-war protest groups have also been quick to pour scorn upon the president's plans. Libby Jackson from anti-war group ‘Axis of Good' suggested a darker side to Bush's proposed strike: "We believe that Mr Bush wants to utilise the Moon as Guantanamo Bay number two, for the torture of intergalactic terror suspects, who are most likely completely innocent. We cannot let him get away with it again, on this planet or another."