Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 26 February 2011

image for U.S. 'X-Factor' Executives Ask Cheryl Cole of England To Refrain From Saying "Why Aye," "Yous," "Wat," and "Pet"
Cheryl wearing a pair of red string bikini thongs that were a Valentine's Day gift from her dear friend Simon Cowell.

HOLLYWOOD - The American version of Simon Cowell's X-Factor has not even aired yet and there already appears to be some trouble brewing and it deals with the English judge Cheryl Cole.

Cole who is the girlfriend of the star of Dancing With The Stars Derek Hough has reportedly been told by the officials with X-Factor that they want her to tone down her Geordie accent.

According to Chatsworth Wiggonholt of England's Ta Ta For Now News a Geordie accent is an English language dialect that is spoken by the inhabitants of North East England which includes the city of Newcastle upon Tyne where Cole was born on June 30, 1983.

Wiggonholt stated that some of the words that are fairly common Geordie words include hoose, which is used for house, aboot, which is used for about, and fookin, which is used for (blank).

When Cheryl heard about the controversy she simply remarked that, that is the way she talks, has always talked, and will continue to talk.

The executives of the new X-Factor show have insisted that Ms. Cole not use the Geordie words "Why Aye," "Yous," "Wat," and "Pet."

They pointed out to her that the average American viewer will have no idea what she is talking about and will therefore be tempted to change the channel.

Cole stated that her boyfriend and future-husband Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough absolutely loves her Geordie accent.

She shyly confessed that on countless occasions he has asked her to talk dirty to him in the privacy of his Hollywood Hills mansion, Casa Cha Cha Cha, using her strongest Geordie accent, which she of course has always agreed to fookin do (her word).

Simon Cowell defended Cheryl by stating that no one has ever complained about fellow Brits Len "The Crotchety Grouch" Goodman's British accent on Dancing With The Stars, or Cat "The Long-Legged One" Deely host of So You Think You Can Dance.

And the list of popular Englishmen on American television who have had very pronounced British accents includes such noted individuals as David Frost, Richard Dawson, Arthur Treacher, Dudley Moore, and one of the stars of M.A.S.H. Biro Northumbria, III.

Ta Ta For Now News is reporting that X-Factor hosts in London Ant McPartlin and Declan Donnelly, themselves fellow Geordies, are behind Chezza Cole 100 percent.

In fact Ant has drafted up a letter which he and Declan will both be signing and sending to Chezza so that she can present it to the producers of X-Factor in Hollywood.

The letter basically will say for the American producers of the new show to not embarrass Ms. Cole by asking her to turn her back on her heritage.

Ant points out if someone would have thought about asking President Obama to turn his back on his Kenyan roots? or Madonna on her Italian roots? or Kanye West on his Nazi-Swedish roots?

Cousin Connie's Pastry Inc., one of America's leading importers of English crumpets has stated publicly that they will drop their sponsorship of the new X-Factor show if Ms. Cole is forced to refrain from using her Geordie accent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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