Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 26 February 2011

image for CNN Dumps Kathleen Parker - Keeps Elliot Spitzer and Wants To Hire Heidi Montag To Replace Parker
Heidi Montag relaxing by her pool. (Photo from Charlie Sheen's photo collection).

NEW YORK CITY - In a move that most political talk show connoisseurs did not see coming, CNN has fired the co-host of their highly touted Parker-Spitzer Talk Show Kathleen Parker.

A spokesperson for CNN stated that the CNN higher ups (aka the 'Suits') realized that there was just no chemistry between Parker and Spitzer whatsoever.

One top executive said that watching the two together was sort of like watching two woodpeckers pecking on a tree - yes they're making quite a hole but what the hell is the point.

Another CNN official said that Parker is one of the dullest women he has ever seen and that she is the only individual he knows of who can actually make wet mulch look attractive.

When Parker was asked to make a comment she simply said FO ALMA!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I will reveal that the ALMA stands for 'and leave me alone' and I will let each reader figure out the FO part.]

Spritzer was asked to comment on Parker being terminated and he simply grinned, shrugged his shoulders, and replied, "Well I guess that it is what it is and it really all depends on what your definition of is, is."

Elliot even said it using a Bill Clinton accent.

Tittle Tattle Tonight reported that one of the more expensive 'suits' has made it abundantly clear that he wants Kathleen Parker to be replaced by Heidi Montag.

Apparently CNN has decided that it they are to compete against FOX talk show host Bill O'Reilly and HLN talk show host Nancy Grace then they are going to have to put on someone who can show some cleavage, some eroticism, and perhaps even some 'upskirt' shots every now and then.

When Spritzer was asked if he thought that Montag could fill Parker's shoes he yelled out "Hell yeah!"

He went on to add that he knows that Heidi has way much better looking tits than Nancy Grace so the new Montag-Spitzer Talk Show will definitely be kicking Nancy "Big Nuts" Grace's show right away.

He chuckled and said that once the American political viewers tune in and see Heidi sitting there in a skirt that is so tight that the SOB looks like it was painted on, and once they see her wearing a low cut blouse that shows a tremendous expanse of her extensive cleavage, and once they are treated to one or two obligatory 'beaver' shots the Montag-Spitzer ratings are going to shoot right up through the roof.

3T has reported that Heidi Montag has been offered the same exact salary that Kathleen Parker was receiving plus she will be given a $1.6 million signing bonus.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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