Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 25 February 2011

image for Glenn Beck Converting to Judaism to Atone for Offhanded Muslim Comment
Beck: "You seen one temple, you've seen them all."

Glenn Beck has long been known to treat any issue he tackles with much drama and even more disregard for the facts. However, this week, when he compared Reform Judaism to radicalized Islam, he claims he knew he was wrong before he laid one piece of chalk on his chalkboard.

In order to atone for his most grievous error, Beck claims that he's going to go through the rigorous training to, in his words "become one of the best Jews you are ever going to meet, buddy."

"Quite frankly," said Beck, "I'm tired of the Mormon faith. Gets me into trouble every time. They just aren't as strict as the Christians or the Jews, or any faith for that matter, when it comes to what you can and cannot get away with." Beck claims the majority of what he's gotten away with these past years has a direct link to the Mormon leaders' loose oversight of the followers of its flock.

"Besides," he said, "my neighbors were getting so tired of me knocking on their doors every Saturday to discuss my faith with them, until I found out it was the Jehovah's Witnesses that do that. Boy did I feel stupid."

Getting back to the Mormon faith, Beck said, "They make it up as they go along, kind of like the Catholics. "Only the Catholics at least make you pay with having to kneel a lot and doing that confession thing where you have penance and stuff." Beck claims he did the Catholic thing for awhile but he has bad knees now and it is just not an option.

Beck said that sometimes he feels like he should be in an even more strict religion "like one of those sects down there in South America whose men actually carry huge crosses in the middle of the street and then whip themselves with leather and palm leaves until they bleed. Maybe that would teach me a lesson," said Beck. Until then, however, he's going to go middle-of-the-road and just try Judaism next. For some reason, he believes it will finally help him fit in better in the entertainment world anyway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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