Former Secretary of State, Donald Rumsfeld has confessed to shatting on the floors of certain places all over the United States in his new book, "Known and Unknown: A Memoir".
"I've been doing it for the past 20-25 years", stated the "tough" man of the George Bush Administration. "I have stopped with therapy but I want the police to know who did it."
Rumsfeld talked about his way of expressing anger to a worldwide audience on the Rush Limbaugh radio show.
"They never suspected me but I knew if they ever did a DNA test on me, using one of those old turds they keep in plastic bags, the cat would be out of the cat box, so I admitted the whole thing in my book."
Rumsfeld tells how he had always hated all the chain stores that took away the Mom & Pop places he remembered and that he began a one-man crusade to go to the bathroom while at a McDonald's, Wendy's, WalMart, etc. and shat on the floor.
Rumsfeld said that that psycho doctor that he had talked to had told him that it was a rebellion against his father who was very strict with Donny in his early years.
"The Doc may be right. I've quit it. The last time I fell off the wagon was at that psycho doc's office."
"OK, now let's get ready to ask Mr. Rumsfeld some questions about his book", stated Limbaugh.
"I just did that you screwball! You really can't hear worth shat can you?"
"Well, what do you know? He apparently changed his mind and left. Turdley. He's headed for the bathroom. Go see if he'll come back!"