Due to the inability to investigate anyone without being sued for violating their rights, The FBI has placed the following ad in all major Newspapers world wide.
"The FBI request that all Terrorist report to the nearest FBI headquarters to sign sworn statements admitting to be Terrorist so you may begin your Prison term. To make it a speedy process, please bring all evidence and any plans for an attack with you that we can use against you. No lawyer will be needed. A Free ACLU Lawyer will be provided. First 100 will receive a free gift."
The FBI has also laid off all undercover officers and investigative officers with hopes that once people realize their rights are being protected, they will do the right thing and turn themselves in.
"There is no longer any reason that anyone should be paranoid about being under investigation if they are committing crimes against the United States Government and its citizens," stated recently laid off FBI special agent Ima (Last name held to protect the identity of agent Ima Snitch).
Mr. Snitch stated that he was only hours away from busting a major Terrorist cell and arresting Osama Bin-laden who was to be at the secret meeting when he was laid off. The FBI is hopeful that this terrorist cell will set the example for all others and turn themselves in prior to their attack.
It is this reporter's belief that this is one f---up policy and screw the f---en lawyers who care more about these A-holes than keeping us safe.
This is Spoof reporter Truybill signing off.