Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

image for SuBo fanatic's quilt comes to life!
Screw it, let's get another doughnut!

A Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loony was in shock last night after the quilt she had made for SuBo came to life.

The quilt, measuring some 30 feet by 50 feet, was being blessed when it suddenly started moving.

"I couldn't believe it. We were blessing the quilt when it suddenly started twitching. Then it barged past us and ran out the door. We ran down the street after it, but it was too fast for us," cried the fanatic.

"It would appear that some prankster had replaced our bible with a copy of 'Voodoo for Loonies'. We actually read out a verse to bring it to life," grumbled the chief religious fanatic.

The quilt, the 900th to be made by the fanatic, is now rampaging through Texas.

"Yes, it came in and asked for fish&chips and an Irn Bru," said a restaurant manager. "We've no idea what an Irn Bru is, so it started crying fabric softener and ran out again!" said the shocked manager.

"We've been chasing it all day, but it's growing in size," grumbled the local police chief. "We estimate it's currently the size of Dallas. There's no way we can stop it now!" he mumbled while eating his doughnut.

"We think it may be a homing quilt, so it should find it's way back home to the popular supermarket chain with a star in it's name!" said a local mad scientist.

"Not to worry," said a chief fanatic. "We'll just start up another collection and get the rabble, er, sorry, respected members, to cough up for another one!" she cackled.

The quilt was last seen heading for Canada. "We think it's heard about the fanatic not wearing any pants. It probably wants to cover his dangly bits! At least it has good taste!" said Donald J. Giraffe, president of 'SuBo Fans Without a Wealthy Husband'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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