Federal Emergency Management Agency Director Michael Brown and Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff resigned their posts this morning under growing pressure from the four small companies that manufacture all the beads for Mardi Gras. "Our whole livelihood was being threatened by the ineptitude of Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff. With those two out of the way, we can now open up our bead production lines again and get ready for the big day next year."
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin was also pleased to hear about the resignations. "Now the path is clear for me to point my finger directly at that big fool George Bush. He was really the one behind all the slow response to our catastrophe…. Cracking jokes about Trent Lott's porch and good times in Houston while the people of New Orleans were swimming in shit. Somebody ought to start making Bush think about resigning!"
Within hours of their resignations, Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff issued a joint press release that touched upon their future plans. "The two of us are going into the private sector. We have formed a partnership in a new enterprise named ‘Brown & Chertoff'. Our extensive experience in crisis management will allow us to seek major contracts with Fortune 500 companies that are looking to set up plans for dealing with natural and manmade disasters. We are pleased to announce that we have signed up our first major client: Yev Kassem, DBA Yev Kassem Soup Kitchen. We are providing security for Mr. Kassem's extensive collection of soup recipes as well as a disaster plan for his New York business location." Michael Brown was introduced to Yev Kassem by an old college roommate, George Costanza. Mr. Costanza is rumored to have been hired to be in charge of New York operations.
Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff were last seen outside of Yev Kassem's business where they were discussing their plans for obtaining other important clients. "Hey, this lentil soup is pretty damned good, don't you think Brownie?"
"Yeah Chertie, but I see you got some bread. How come I didn't get any bread with my soup? I'm gonna go back in and ask for some bread to go with the soup I just bought…"
No soup for you!