Offering yet another death blow to the American Economy, Michelle Obama's President's Day visit to Vail caused the resort to shut all three of its runs for security, leaving one open for Michelle & Friends to go 'Tubing' down the Bunny Tail without running into people who were actually on skis.
Vail reported 346 total inches of snow, with 74" of packed powder, and another 7" on the way during the US's #1 Ski Resort's busiest time of year, forcing them to turn away paying customers to accommodate the First Lady.
Moochelle arrived in a cavalcade of private limos after flying in to the regional airport on a private jet, and is being put up in a private suite costing in excess of $2,000 a night, room service extra. Rooms for 'the help' start at $605 a night, and daily ski passes at Vail without a deal can cost as much as $350 a day, not including ski rentals.
Already on the slopes to secure the trails, was the 10th Mountain Division, the famed WWII
fighting force noted for their ski prowess and lightning fast attacks after being trained in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and quartered in quaint North Conway.
Fully armed and ready to protect, members of the division lined the Bunny Trail as the First Lady and 12 'close friends' from her marital support group and her national food initiative
"No Butts Left BEHIND" staff, were hauled up to the top of the trail by snow cat and left to
jump in their inner tubes to skitter happily down the trail while giving each other the finger in joyous abandon.
On lookers noticed, but were too polite to say, that it appeared Moochelle was forced to use the biggest inner tube, reportedly from a Kenworth over the road hauler, and the fit, while snug, kept her ass safely inside during the 'death defying' run.
Kitchen help were furiously scurrying to prepare the noon day meal for the First Lady in an attempt to please her notorious fickle palate.
Demanding that no bacon be cooked due to the 'offensive odour' and no cheese burgers or fries to be on the premises, head Chef Pierre Fondue was forced to turn over his kitchen to a staff of limp wristed sous chefs flown in from California by the First Lady.
In addition to Tofu finger snacks, Brussel Sprout Soup, Cucumber Sandwiches, and artfully arranged poached parsnips with rosemary garnish, the group was set to imbibe in
a thirst quenching beverage consisting of carrots, guacamole, sweet potatoes and spinach
mixed in a blender with Soy Milk and served Chilled, Shaken, and NOT Stirred.
The governor of Colorado is said to be ready to declare the area a financial emergency disaster area, and has requested Federal Funds and FEEMA to send immediate relief.
The catastrophe is ironically similar to the Obama's last vacation when they shut down Bar Harbor, Maine, just last summer and effectively killed the summer resort's only chance to make money to get them through another tough winter.
Said Obama, when notified of the Governor's request, "Hey, this is MY day after all, we all have to make some sacrifices here....tell him, NO 'MO MONEY HONEY....just raise taxes!"