Written by Lorenzo Dunning
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Sunday, 20 February 2011

image for God Joins the War on Christmas, Knocks Over National Christmas Tree
national christmas tree

The 40-foot Colorado blue spruce, used as the National Christmas Tree since 1978, was struck down by an act of God on Saturday. God used His mighty winds to snap the trunk of the tree, forcing it to topple completely.

"We haven't seen holy anger like this since Jesus drove the merchants out of the temple," said liberal theologian, Rev. Al Jackson. "By destroying the National Christmas Tree, God has sent us a clear message that He wants a clear separation of church and state."

Surprisingly, Evangelist William Thompson has endorsed God's decision to strike down the National Christmas Tree. Last night, he tweeted, "Christmas has become too commercial and too much of a spectacle. This is God's way of trying to teach us the true meaning of Christmas."

Many conservative evangelists, however, are blaming liberals for the destruction of this national treasure. Rev. Rob Patterson said, "Our country cannot claim to be a Christian nation while so many Americans support homosexuality, abortion, and labor unions. If the United States doesn't return to it's traditional values and put prayer back in public schools, God will allow Satan to produce natural disasters across this great land of ours." Satan was not available for comment.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) blamed the the fall of the National Christmas Tree on "the incompetency of the Obama administration," and singled out Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano. "This administration knew that the National Weather Service had issued a high wind warning, predicting gale-force gusts of up to 60 miles per hour, yet did nothing to protect our National Christmas Tree. This makes the United States look weak in the eyes of our enemies. We can't trust this president to to keep us safe."

President Obama will hold a press conference this afternoon to announce his nominee to replace the National Christmas Tree. Insiders say the tree Obama plans to nominate is from Chicago. Republicans are expected to block Obama's nominee.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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