Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Hunting, evolution, deer

Saturday, 19 February 2011

image for Human-Eating Deer Attack In Pennsylvania
Man-eating Deer, Watch Out!

Valley Forge, PA - Flesh eating deer are now hunting - and devouring - people in Valley Forge. Carnivorous deer with razor sharp teeth eat about 100 people a day, mostly children and the elderly. The streets and highways around Valley Forge are littered with skeletons and half-eaten corpses of dead citizens.

The horrific problem actually began a few years, right after there was a mass culling of ordinary deer in Valley Forge Park. The famous park has long been plagued with deer, and hunters were brought in to thin the herd. Unfortunately, this culling only killed the usual 'Bambi' type of deer, leaving the more hostile deer to breed with each other. Natural selection came into play, and the meat-eating deer evolved.

Wildlife biologists say the flesh-eaters are very violent. They have learned to use their front hooves to kick in people's skulls. They seem especially fond of devouring the human brain. Their front teeth have evolved into very sharp canines, very similar to what the T. Rex had millions of years ago. Their appetite is insatiable.

The local government has no idea what to do. A committee was formed, and then a focus group. Someone had the idea to put up a few signs, like the one on the right. No one really knows what to do.

Meanwhile, the human slaughter continues. Today, a herd of deer surrounded a school bus, and then attacked and ate 25 children. The bus driver apparently ignored the warning sign.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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