Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Theft, Airport

Friday, 18 February 2011

image for Airline Travelers Question Obama's "No Felon Left Behind" Mandate as TSA Workers Steal Thousands at Airports!
TSA Workers Picket for Union To Protect Their Own after Arrests at US Airports!

Hundreds of abused airline travelers questioned Obama's policy of hiring uneducated, and criminally intentioned TSA employees under his recent "2nd Chance to Succeed" policy
inspired by NFL Dog Killer and convicted Felon Michael Vick.

Vick, who recently received the "Medal of Freedom" award presented by Obama at the White House for being named the Philadelphia Eagles' "Franchise Player' putting him in line for a multi million dollar contract, was instrumental in having the president push for unionization of the TSA employees, who are responsible for "security" at the nation's airports.

Recent investigations at JFK and Newark Airport uncovered a ring of TSA 'pat down' agents who reportedly stole 'thousands of dollars' from travelers as they were otherwise distracted by former convicted felons, illegal aliens, and pedophiles who put their hands down their shorts, in their bras and fondled their 'junk' then later sold their naked pictures to on line porno sites after being scanned.

The alleged perps were arrested at their homes, and many thousands of dollars were recovered, although when the victims will get their money back is unclear, as they have been told they will have to show their birth certificate and other verifying documents to prove who they say they are.

On the other hand, an independent investigative agency has found that the thousands of TSA workers hired under Janet "Big Sis" Napolitano, Homeland Security (sic) Pant Suit Babe, were rushed through the hiring process in order to put more people on the government payroll to prove that Obama's stimulus program was working and reducing unemployment.

Despite hiring 200,000 more government workers since he was elected, unemployment in the US is hovering at 10%, while experts say the real number is closer to 12-15% as Obama obfuscates the situation leading up to the 2012 presidential election.

Obama came out again in support of Unions along with other Union Leaders, calling the local law enforcement agents who conducted the arrests "stupid, rushing to judgement, not to mention racist white bigots!"

Obama went on to say instead of suspending the suspects with pay and giving them union representation and benefits until their cases could be adjudicated by an independent arbitrator appointed by the Government, a process which could take up to 3 years, but more like 5, the "Human Rights" of the suspects were being 'usurped.'

Airline pilots, who said they would refuse to fly until TSA employees were properly vetted, are now blamed for an airport shutdown as 75% of TSA employees didn't show up for work
and are said to be 'in hiding' afraid they will either be deported, put back in jail, or required to make good on millions of dollars in child support payments.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said she categorically refused an offer by Israeli airport security agents to take over airport screening, even though their proposal would have resulted in a $567B dollar savings, and resulted in not one terrorist getting on a plane, let alone into the terminal.

A spokesman for the Israeli's said they could handle the task with 6 agents and their highly trained Rottweilers at each airport improving efficiency 1000% while reducing costs 3000%.

Said Clinton, "As a national policy, we don't believe in outsourcing," as she twittered on her IPhone before being whisked away in her armored SUV manufactured in Canada with Mexican parts, Chinese electronics, and a 'help line' located in India.

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 3?

2 17 15 20

Go to top