Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 5 September 2005

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Got a problem? Just blame George.

In light of recent accusations that the recent hurricane was the fault of President Bush (for not fighting against global warming), liberal groups have now decided that the following disasters are now the fault of President:

Reality Television: "We never had to put up with Survivor this or that, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, or any of the stupid Big Brother or other shows before Bush got into office. Instead of being able to watch good tv, we now have to put up with this garbage," said Michael Snore of the ACLU. "We just want to get our old fashioned, real shows back."

When it was pointed out to Snore that these shows all predated Bush'e election, he had no comment.

The New England Patriots:
"These guys have won three of the last four Super Bowl," said Michael Galore of the Buffalo BIlls fan club. "They are supposed to be the doormats of our conference, and now they can't do anything but beat up on us twice a year. The Jets stole their coach with Parcells, but then they stole the guy that was supposed to be the Jets coach. If it wasn't for Bush being in the White House, the Cowboys would still be winning Super Bowls and the Bills would still be losing them. Now we've got a guy no one ever heard of playing quarterback and the whole football world is upside down. Bush is resoonsible for the Patriots going to the Super Bowl."

When it was pointed out to Galore that the Patriots were in two Super Bowls prior to Bush's election, he had no comment.

Britney Spears: "I'm tired of seeing this trollop's belly button and thighs," said Michal Floor of Parents for Decency. "She struts around half naked everywhere she goes and is a huge smut peddler. Whatever happened to good, quality musical acts like Donnie and Marie Osmond and Pat Boone? Britney expected everyone to believe that she was a virgin, when she lived the kind of life that told you that this just wasn't true. This girl was still a nobody before Bush became president. You never saw belly buttons or thighs on television before her!"

When reminded that Goldie Hawn showed both weekly on Laugh In in the 60's and that Spears was a member of the Mickey Mouse Club in the 80's, Floor had no comment.

Mad Cow Disease: "There was no such thing as Mad Cow Disease before that beef eating rancher from Texas became our President," said Michael Abhor of Meat Eaters for American Beef. "Now, people are in real danger whenever they eat their big macs and whoppers. Consumers should enjoy their food and not be afraid of it. No one ever got sick on a steak before Bush came along!"

When reminded that the Oprah WInfrey Mad Cow trial took place in the 80's and that the disease originated in England and moved to Canade before ever coming to the States, Abhor had no comment.

Filmmaker Michael Moore is said to be in contact with all four of these "experts" and is considering making movies about their plights.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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