In an address to the nation later on this week, President Obama will announce that the nation's dependence upon foreign oil and energy has placed the country in debt and that the best and most simple solution is to have rolling blackouts all winter and summer when the consumption of energy is at it's height.
"To save approximately 33% on our energy costs to both the country and each family in the United States, we will begin shutting off electricity for 15 minutes each hour of the day."
"We will first do this on some trial runs and see how TV shows, hospitals and nursing homes back-up generators and everything will work. I'm sure this can be applied as soon as a few kinks can be worked out."
"All that is needed is for each community to know that they can't have that burger fried or that criminal electrocuted until the top of the hour as we adjust to our 45 minute hours of energy."
Before the planned announcement, newspapers such as the New York Times will be putting out praises for the president's plans.
"This President is the greatest US President of them all" it will say, a fired employee has told WikiLeaks.
"That's what they will say, although the whole thing will take years to work out. He plans to start our practicing the '45-minute energy hour' in the winter AFTER his re-election. That way the stuff won't hit the fan until it's too late."
"It's a simple plan alright. It took a simple person to come up with it. Can you imagine the traffic light problems alone? How about the groping on the subways?"