Written by Aubergine Underwood
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Monday, 14 February 2011

image for University to Show Porn Film
Oscar Winner "Disco Dolls in Hot Skin"

It was announced today by University officials that this year they will allow the showing of the porn movie "Disco Dolls in Hot Skin."

"Disco Dolls in Hot Skin" is a kitshy 1977 porn film in 3-D that has a huge following in art house cinemas across the country. It is particularly popular among the college-age crowd. The film, which is ungradable by current movie standards, stars such 70s porn notables as Leslie Bovee, Serena, Bill Margold, and the legendary John Holmes in one memorable cum scene.

The film will be shown on Friday and Saturday evenings at the student-run Bijou Theater in the Memorial Union. No one under eighteen will be admitted and tickets will be sold with an accompanying box of Kleenex.

When asked why the University had reversed its decision not to show the film in a public venue as was the case last year, a spokesperson stated that, "The University now feels the students have the right to show a legal film and that people have the right to watch it. This will be a good way to teach them about their First Amendment rights."

Members of the football team who have sufficiently recovered from a recent episode of rhabdomyolysis are expected to attend as well as the remaining members who haven't been dismissed from the team for using drugs or been arrested for selling them.

It is believed that a local sperm bank will set up a booth in the lobby to collect donations after each showing of the film.

One student, when asked if he were planning to attend the showing, commented that, "I much prefer internet porn. That way I can get off in the privacy of my dorm room. Plus, it's free!"

UPDATE: The mysterious stranger attired in a trenchcoat and dark glasses (rumored never to have missed a showing of the film anywhere in the country) attended Saturday's midnight showing. When interviewed, the stranger commented, "This film is a cult classic. It's a lot more fun than 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show.' Five dicks up from me!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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