Written by Morse
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Monday, 14 February 2011

image for Local Man Pissed After Yobs Rampage Through Quiet Retirement Community!
Local Law Enforcement Agents In Local Man's Driveway after Yob Rampage!

A quiet retired man, Melvin Wordsmithe, although he advised that he prefers his nickname
"Wally" to Melvin, or Mel, awoke to find his tranquil neighborhood awash in plainclothes police after a late night rampage by local yobs the night before.

Whilst walking the family 'watchdog' early this morning, Wally was shocked to see armed
police in unmarked cars and wearing rubber gloves in front of several of his neighbors'
houses.

Further investigation revealed that over a dozen cars parked overnight in driveways had been broken into, side windows smashed out, and the cars looted of any valuables left carelessly by homeowners who felt secure in their 'gated' community.

It was then that Wally recalled restless wife "Jean's" comment that she was awake last night when the light on the neighbor's house went on at approximately 2:15 on a deadly calm, moonless night which she attributed to taking their dog for a late night squirt.

Wally, a former investigator of some renown, suddenly had the light dawn on him, and returned home to find his unlocked car rifled, and realized what restless Jean had noticed was the motion detector light going off next to the eve on the driveway side of the house.

The Wordsmithes keep nothing of value in the vehicle and the only thing the perpetrators probably picked up was a mountain of golden retriever hair scattered throughout the vehicle.

Wally theorized that the light going off ran the thieves off, but as it turned out, didn't prevent them from hitting over a dozen vehicles in the neighborhood.

Conducting his own investigation, Wally determined that several neighbors had felt there was something wrong the night before, as there was at least one report citing a flashlight beam in the back of their house, and others describing pets becoming restless in the middle of the night and scurrying about the house for no reason, and definitely out of character.

Wordsmithe has surmised that rather than being a random yob lark, the neighborhood was 'cased' and the resulting break ins were done in a precise pattern, the thieves moving quickly targeting cars they knew were always left out.

There are still unconfirmed reports that a traveling gypsy clan has been moving through the area, but despite finding a Tarot card on his front lawn, Wally said that police are skeptical saying it is more likely a band of local kids who have had their allowances cut due to the Economic Situation caused by Global Warming.

Local Sheriff deputies did confirm that in this locale, homeowners are permitted the use of deadly force should they confront someone on their property rifling any personal property, or attempting a break in...especially in the middle of a dark, moonless night.

Said a Pissed off Wally Wordsmithe, "Hey, what's mine is mine.....and I aim to keep it
that way........BASTARDS!"

More When We Git 'em.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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