Written by THE MORGAN
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Michael Bloomberg, The King of New York, has warned city smokers they should expect to be "shot to death, soon."

The former Republican, Democrat, Independant & Life Time Twat is ready to impose greater restrictions on smokers after "thinking hard and long, and sucking off a Cuban."

The ready made Simpsons character introduced a smoking ban in bars and restaurants almost a decade ago, and after marshalling the demise of thousands of businesses' now wishes to close down public parks and similar places.

The King, who has purchased or otherwise bummed his way into a third mayoral term, has threatened smokers he is drafting a "Three Strikes And You're Dead!" bill that he will sign soon, once he has finished writing it.

Speaking to a room of journalists clutching a 'suggested article' list and counting dollar bills, Bloomberg warned Smokey Joe that after being caught toking on a shorty he would tell his dead Mom.

Caught twice, Bloomberg has threatened a variety of punishments which include whippings, punches, cutting, and securing employment as one of his assistants.

Twirling a packet of matches in his hand, momentarily gazing at the EXIT sign, The Bloom set out his plan for three time offenders.

One of America's greatest advocates for removing guns from our streets, Gloomy warned smokers they could potentially face "being lined up against a wall and shot to death, soon."

Once the smoking ban has been extended to parks and places of similar recreational enjoyment, Bloomberg says he is ready "to get personal" and lay out a clear vision of our future.

"If I can stop people smoking in bars, I can stop drinking and talking. If Daddy thinks he can sneak one in by the pond, robbing his young hopeful son of ten years of parenatage I guarantee the cross hairs will configure and that man will be shot dead in the first instance."

Bloomberg plans to introduce further measures "with all due respect" to the Constitution to further prohibition in New York. The suited bed wetter mentioned plans to ban smokers within thirty yards of each other, put out a smoke if you see a pregnant woman even if she is on television, and warned that ultimately he planned to ban smokers from smoking within twnety yards of themself, whilst banning mirrors.

Shuffling papers, The King danced from the room refusing to answer any questions of any topic aside from life. On the subject of abortion Bloomberg insisted black or hispanic babies should be left to live but mothers of white children should be forced into decisions especially if he had ever met them when he had his wallet in his pocket.

Make THE MORGAN's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 3?

1 3 5 15

Go to top