Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 February 2011

image for Good News: President Obama Has Quit Smoking - Bad News: He's Taken Up Chewing Tobacco
The last pack of cigarettes that President Obama smoked before quitting. (Photo courtesy of Oprah Winfrey).

WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has told the White House Press Corps that President Obama, after months and months of trying has finally kicked the cigarette habit.

The members of the media erupted in a thunderous applause. As soon as they stopped, Colfax said, "But ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry to say that our beloved president has now taken up the habit of chewing tobacco."

"What brand?" A reporter asked.

"Is it Skoal?" Asked another.

"Copenhagen? Redman?"

Colfax replied that the president had purchased a can of Copenhagen Whiskey Flavored Smokeless Tobacco.

He said that he tried some Skoal Wintergreen but he replied that it was too sweet and it was like eating a handful of M&M's.

The president also did not care for Redman which he said for some weird, strange reason made him want to put on some of his wife's make up (warpaint) and attack a westward bound wagon train.

Colfax was asked what Mrs. Obama's reaction to her husband quiting cigarettes but taking up dipping snuff was. He giggled and then quickly regained his composure.

He said "Well the 'First Mama,' I mean the First Lady does not like it but there is really not too much she can do since he is the president, he does wear the pants in the (White) House, he does bring home the bacon, and he does pay for her to fly all over the world taking exquisetely luxurious trips and staying in extremely expensive hotels."

Colfax was asked if Mrs. Obama has any habits that could be considered to be on the bad side.

He paused and thought for a moment and replied that Mrs. Obama does tend to snore a little, especially after she has had a little nip of wine, but he quickly added that most American women also snore as well, except of course for that GOPrincess blonde cracker bitch Ann Coulter who says she is so perfect she hasn't had to blow her nose in 17 years.

The makers of Copenhagen Smokeless Tobacco hope to contact the president about getting him to appear in one of their television commercials which would be shown throughout Denmark.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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