Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: suicide, Hurricane

Wednesday, 31 August 2005

image for New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin placed on suicide watch in wake of Hurricane Katrina
Mayor Ray Nagin

NEW ORLEANS (AP) "He looks stoned to me." He looks like a man who can't decide whether to run away or stuff his head in the oven!" Comments like these were heard all over Louisiana as New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin made statements on TV in the midst of still-rising waters in the Big Easy. "I just don't know why this Hurricane Katrina thing hit here. I don't know what to do about those big holes in the levees. Being a mayor of a city at a time like this is hard work. I really can't blame all those folks who are looting now; they need food and water and I don't have a clue how to get it to them. I'm scared I just don't know what to do!"

Asked about the Super Dome, Mayor Nagin said, "Look, stuffing tens of thousands of people into a huge building with a fabric roof seemed like a good idea when the hurricane was coming. We knew there would be no sanitation, food, or water available there and that the whole thing could flood, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Looking back, I guess I should not have been smoking that big bag of weed when that decision was made."

"Mayor Nagin," asked a Spoof reporter, "Are you admitting that you were under the influence of marijuana during the preparations for this hurricane?"

"What preparations are you talking about son?" replied the mayor, "All we did was pass a lot of joints around while we made ‘what if' jokes about the levees and the po-lice. It was a great party and all the city officials had a blast. We did manage to complete all our official hurricane preparations down at the Canal Street Brothel - just like usual."

"I'm sorry that all you national TV reporters keep on comparing me with Rudy Giuliani… New York and New Orleans are different kinds of places. We do things differently down in the Big Easy."

Showing signs of being depressed by the way things have gone in New Orleans, Mayor Ray Nagin appeared withdrawn and freaked out. The mayor's friends have put him on a suicide watch. "We took away his belt and gave him a pair of suspenders

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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