Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 8 February 2011

image for Tony Hawk - 'The King of Skateboarding' Has Skated Right Into Divorceville
Tavarua, Fiji, where Tony and Lhotse were married before 2,000 close relatives and friends.

SAN DIEGO, California - Tony Hawk, the man known as "The King of Skateboarding" has just announced that he is getting divorced from his wife of five years Lhotse [pronounced LOL-LI-GAG].

Hawk and his wife were married while standing on gold plated skateboards at the luxurious Coconut Balls Hotel in Tavarua, Fiji before friends and family which numbered right at 2,000.

The Hawks spared no expense as they booked the 70s rock and roll icon band Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young who performed the couple's favorite song "Our House" at the wedding reception.

They also hired Chris Rock to be the wedding reception's MC and 12 of The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders who served as wedding reception waitresses.

After the divorce, Lhotse Hawk will retain custody of the couple's two-year-old Kadence Clover Hawk, known as "Skatey."

Tony Hawk will get custody of his 216 skateboards, 48 helmets, 28 pairs of elbow pads, 25 pairs of knee pads, and 7 athletic cups.

Tony will also get to keep his 900 acre New Mexico cattle ranch known as Rancho Boom Boom Huck Jam. But Lhotse will get to keep the herd of 671 Santa Gertrudis cattle.

Tittle Tattle Tonight is reporting that the couple have filed jointly for divorce on grounds of 'mutual and consensual ad infinitum ad valorem alter ego modus operandi,' which is legalese for 'we basically cannot stand each others guts per se.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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