Written by Charpa93
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Wednesday, 2 February 2011

image for Meteorologist Has Epiphany: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Groundhogs
Not a groundhog but close enough.

Unlike most meteorologists in the United States this morning who couldn't wait to tell their viewing audiences that groundhogs have predicted spring would be coming early this year, Pittsburgh Meteorologist, Brian Storm went in a completely different direction. In fact, his angry performance Tuesday morning ended in his being terminated mid-broadcast.

While video of Storm's offending performance has been removed from the internet pending further investiation, part of the transcript is still being passed around. In part, Storm angrily reported:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, while most of the moronic weathermen in this God-forsaken country are getting down on all fours and searching for some furry creature to tell them how long we can expect our winter to last or what the weather is like outside this morning, all I have to do is look at a friggin' weather map for Chrissakes, and I can tell you what it's gonna do. It's gonna snow dammit, and what does snow come out of? Clouds, that's right, big heavy grey clouds that the sun cannot penetrate. And if the sun cannot penetrate the clouds, what do you think that means? That means no one, including a friggin' prairie dog or whatever the hell those damned animals are can see its shadow. Hell, the people standing out there in the friggin' cold can't see their shadows for Chrissakes, which leads me to make this very profound statement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, We don't need no stinkin' groundhogs."

At that, the broadcast was cut short and viewers were left staring at a blank screen momentarily before a Geico commercial appeared. You know, the new one where a guy comes out from living under a rock to find out he can save 15% or more on his car insurance.

A spokesperson for Storm claims his outburst was prompted by an early-morning scuffle with a meteorologist from a rival station at the site where Punxsutawney Phil was scheduled to peep his head out. Evidently Storm was standing there making the observation that it would take a pretty dumb person not to realize the beast wouldn't be seeing his shadow this year, and the rival forecaster asked "who you calling an idiot?" A small fight broke out and Storm was asked to leave by the town officials officiating over the official sighting of the official groundhog on Groundhog's Day.

Storm had no comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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