Fomer VP candidate Sarah Palin has been arrested in Tijuana, Mexico, and is being held in a Mexican prison, without bail, on drug trafficking charges. Palin was allegedly caught trying to smuggle 300 million doses of synthetic oxytocin. The prescription medication was found during a routine check of her tour bus at a border patrol checkpoint over the weekend.
Although drug smuggling along the border are a routine occurrence, this bust seems to be unprecedented in magnitude. An unnamed agent reportedly stated "I am shocked beyond belief. I've heard of people smuggling Oxycontin," a prescription painkiller, "but 300 million doses of Oxytocin? Isn't that the love hormone?" (Oxytocin gets its nickname due to the role it plays in female sexuality)
Initial reports focused on the sexual benefits of Oxytocin as the motive for the attempted smuggling. Todd Palin's recent infidelity has been front page news, and it was believed that the drug was to help re-kindle their love life. These reports were quickly proven false, though, upon confirmation of the massive quantities of drugs involved.
Sources inside the Palin camp are hinting at a recent study Palin had been obsessing over recently as the true catalyst behind Palin's alleged crime. The study, published recently by the University of Amsterdam, focuses on Oxytocin's role in forming more sinister human behaviors such as Racism and Xenophobia.
The study showed that "when [volunteers] sniffed oxytocin (rather than the placebo), they were quicker to associate positive words with Dutch names," such as Sarah, "than Arab ones," such as Barack or Osama.
In a recent speech, Palin may have hinted at her sinister intentions for 2012:
"If I choose to run for president, then I will run on a platform of American exceptionalism! Barrack Hussein Obama represents everything that is foreign and just downright wrong with America today. I promise to inject a feeling of patriotism into our nation's bloodstream. I want to represent all the God-fearin', gun-lovin', REAL Americans that make this nation the best on God's green earth!" (italics mine)
Quick to defend, a Tea Party spoksperson quipped "Who was the arresting agent? Let me guess: Manuel? Miguel? Everyone knows Mexicans are inherently criminal by nature, this is just an extortion attempt by a corrupt, Marxist regime." When asked if she thought she would be found innocent, Palin gave a wink, and responded defiantly "You Betcha!" If found guilty, Palin can expect to find herself in a situation she fought her whole career to avoid: living next door to a Mexican.