There were tears of joy spread today in the little town of Punta Gorda, Florida, as the family of Melvin Wordsmithe are set to gather round him after a remarkable discovery when he was found nearly two years after going missing from the family's backyard!
Wordsmithe, the husband of Myrna, and father of Mary, Merriweather, Max & Maisie Wordsmithe, had disappeared without a trace on a balmy January day in 2009, saying only to his adoring, but boring family, "I'm going for a walk to see if I can find some good news to write about!"
At the time Wordsmithe was wearing a pair of cut off jeans, a ripped T-shirt with the logo "Why Me, Lord?", and a pair of flip flops with white ankle length socks.
When Wordsmithe didn't appear at the dinner hour, the family always ate together after preparing the evening meal in the micro-wave, the clan became a little worried, but not unduly concerned.
"It was a wee bit strange," said Myrna, "Mel never missed a meal when we had Marie Callender Fish Sticks, homemade Hushpuppies dipped in Ketchup, and his favorite, instant rice pudding from that old Uncle Ben chap!"
The family eventually notified the local authorities when Mel hadn't returned by bed time, 9PM in the Wordsmithe house, when he always took the family dog out for a whiz, both known to share the same cabbage palm in the neighbor's yard as a form of bonding ritual that had been established many years ago.
Weeks turned into months, than a year, as TV ads, posters on wheelie bins, and emotional pleas turned to naught as the Wordsmithes underwent 2 Christmas Holidays without Melvin celebrating around their plastic 3' Chinese tree.
Imagine their surprise when a call came in from Aspen, Colorado inquiring about Missing Melvin, and requesting some personal details.
It seems Mel was found wandering the streets of Aspen needing a haircut, a bath, some warm clothes and a good hot meal. A micro chip found embedded in his butt cheek led authorities back to Punta Gorda, Florida and ultimately to the Wordsmithe family.
From what authorities have gleaned from a backpack full of unfinished stories written on scraps of paper, mostly snippets taken from his wanderings, Melvin continued to search for some good news during the two years he had gone missing, but to no avail.
Asked for a comment as a now cleaned up Melvin was about to board a Jet Blue non stop flight from Denver to Ft. Myers, Fl, Mr. Wordsmithe could only be heard to mutter,
"Well, it's all shite, innit?"
Mrs. Wordsmithe said she couldn't wait till Mel got home again and was busy defrosting a double ration of fish sticks and had even gone out and bought the large size bottle of Heinz Ketchup at Cosco.
Their dog, Bear, was said to be so excited he finally pissed on the living room rug. Seems no one had bothered to take him 'Walkies' since Mel had left.
Welcome Home Melvin Wordsmithe!