A major news service has just released several hundred pages from Wikileaks indicating that Glenn Beck is, in fact, a female named Glenda Beckster! The news comes at time when Glenn Beck has risen to the top of the conservative media and is the darling of the right wing fringe element in the country. An adversary of Beck's says "darling" apparently is the right description. "Glenn Beck is not who he /she says he is," said the critic.
Here is what is known so far: Glenda Beckster graduated from Pomona High School in 1980. A yearbook from that year shows Ms. Beckster as a rather plump and unattractive girl but evidently popular among the schools men's athletic teams. "Splenda Glenda," said one notation in the yearbook. "We love you!" It was signed by the members of the men's varsity football, basketball, wrestling, swimming, and debating teams.
Ms. Beckster was a member of the girls' hockey team and apparently, the scourge of rival teams. "That was one mean broad," said a former opponent. "You never wanted her to get behind you with that hockey stick!"
Local records from that time indicate that Ms. Beckster was arrested several times for animal cruelty and indecent exposure. She was banned from getting within two-hundred yards of grammar schools, pet stores, and the local zoo.
Ms. Beckster disappeared from pubic view and re-appeared on the national scene as a roller derby queen with the nickname Glory Road Glenda. She was known as a vicious competitor. No one would speak for attribution but one ex-competitor stated, "You never wanted Glory Road to get behind you in a scrum!
Fox News was closed today and the phones were not being answered. Old "Prison Rape," documentaries, borrowed from MSNBC were running in a continual loop. Beck's office was empty except for an open locker which contained the remains of a dead bunny rabbit and a picture of J. Edgar Hoover in a cocktail dress.