London - (Tears Before Beditme!): The newly launched royal wedding souvenir three-packs come with fortune cookie-esque slips of paper offering matrimonial tips.
These include 'Phantom pregnancy: your boyfriend's a ghost!' and 'Should've seen it coming, Babe!' messages in the Royal Scrubba Rubba range.
The novelty sheaths were immediately branded as 'completely tasteless' by condom industry rivals The Real Oral Sex Company.
But this weekend's launch of the 'Kate & Wills Condoms' is being predicted a sure-fire winner after manufacturers hinted they'd slipped 'viagra' lubricants inside their products.
The Crown Jewels of Shagging - as they're being dubbed - can also be used alongside royal wedding bunting for a colorful display at street parties and the suchlike.
Their 'Best before April 1 2011' sell-by reminder is, like much matrimonial advice, a bit of a let-down of course.