Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Friday, 28 January 2011

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral John Mullen, issued a statement today regarding new guidelines to be included in the Uniform Code of Military Justice. With the repeal of the "don't ask, don't tell" rule, the Pentagon has been working day and night to limit the possible repercussions that might occur in implementing the full integration of gays into our military.

Although the results of questionnaires sent to members of the Armed Forces showed that, by and large, a slight majority of those who responded said they wouldn't have a problem with gays serving beside them, Marines and those serving in combat were mostly against it. This poses a dilemma, however, since the Marines and Special Forces do most of the dirty details, like killing our enemies.

In the statement by Admiral Mullen, he recommends that the UCMJ eliminate the prohibition of sodomy as a court martial offense. To counter and placate dissidents who are dragging their feet, he suggests that anyone heard lisping be subject to dismissal instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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