WASHINGTON, D.C. - A new leaked memo has found out that President Obama is not actually a human.
By a technicality, this means that Obama was not, is not, and will not be eligible for citizenship of the entire human race, let alone the world's largest economy.
Obama, who... sorry, which... is made of pure energy, stored as a cold fusion reaction. Wha-. Holy fucking shit. Obama would've won the Nobel Prize in Physics if he was a human. Oh. Cold fusion is like... unlimited energy in your back garden. What's a Physics? Uhh... go ask a cliff.
Anyway, this is a major boon to the Birthers, who will immediately put the Tea Party in control of all 50 Federal United States of America, with plans to take over Commie-Land and make Britain the 51st State.
Obama, or at least, the skin suit, was actually a small-time factory worker from Detroit whose idea of politics was a late night comedy news show.
"Yes," he/it said, "I am an energy being from dimension 2/A-X. I was sent here to give this planet a chance of fighting the Greatest War. But of course, you are too stubborn to realise you're in an absymal mess." After this last comment he was extinguished by the Birthers, at the anger of the scientific community.
"We don't need no fancy-ass unlimited power! There's no climate to change, so who gives an expletive about fossil fuels. Remember, there are no fossils."
As of press time, the nation went into chaos as Palin was found to actually originate from Russia.