Written by Asheville Jack
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 27 January 2011

In her response to President Obama's State of the Union speech, Tea Party leader Rep. Michelle Bachmann of Minnesota, appearing on CNN as the bride of Frankenstein, angered Native Americans when she said that "Indians at the time of the westward expansion of the US wanted to be slaughtered."

Rep. Bachmann, long known herself for the butchering American history, postulated that American Indians, upon seeing the superior while man and his "ingenious machines such as the hot water bottle and the chicken feather plucker" knew that their time had passed and wanted to kill themselves but were "too lazy to carry out the deed themselves."

Other examples of Bachmann butchering American History include, but are not limited to, when she said on the floor of the House of Representatives that President Franklin Roosevelt caused the Great Depression by signing into law the "Hoot-Smalley Act" (she meant the Smoot-Hawley Act, signed into law by President Hoover. She seemed to have forgotten, or more likely never knew to begin with, that the Great Depression began in 1929 and Roosevelt wasn't elected until 1932).

Bachmann also predicted "re-education camps for young people" under Obama, Cold War terminology that raised the specter of communism; she has dismissed global warming by saying carbon dioxide is harmless because it's "natural"; and she publicly used a coarse sexual metaphor to describe Obama's domestic spending agenda ("We have seen an orgy... the government spent its wad....").

"Yup, they wanted to kill themselves, all right," she said. "That's why they kept attacking our Founding Fathers, kept aggravating them. That's why them people gathered at Bittle Lig Horn in a kinda giant wigwam death panel, so that our great American leader General Custer could finish them off, like they wanted to be finished off, dying proudly, way out there in the prairie away from all the TV cameras."

Speaking now seemingly to one person in particular Bachmann continued, "As for all those snippy un-American liberal jerk-offs who say I don't know my history, like that ass-hole Asheville Jack, all this is well known and well documented in that 1941 historical documentary "They Died With Their Boots On" starring Errol Flynn."

Make Asheville Jack's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.



Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.




Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 4?

5 9 15 17

Go to top