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Sunday, 23 January 2011

NEW YORK, NY - Keith Olbermann's sudden announcement that his top-rated MSNBC show Countdown would no longer continue has caused a wave of speculation about what may have prompted the commentator to step down. While many seem to believe Olbermann's departure is tied to his suspension last November, MSNBC's chief rival, Fox News, is reporting that Olbermann was in fact slated for termination by a company Death Panel.

"You don't toe the party line, it's only a matter of time before Obama's jackboot thugs come to your door at night," said Glenn Beck on his morning radio program. "If the fascist left won't even show sympathy to their most loyal drones, what hope is there for people like you and me, America?"

"They laughed when we told them," said Sean Hannity as he led into his show Friday night. "They said, 'It can't happen here.' They called us paranoid fear-mongers. We were right."

Using undisclosed sources, Fox News is reporting that Olbermann's failure to "adequately promote sodomy, flag-burning, and the end of the American Way" led to an executive decision to liquidate the former ESPN personality and his program.

"We have been unable to confirm whether Olbermann is in fact dead, or if he has been moved to a FEMA concentration camp," reported Steve Doocy, host of Fox and Friends. "However, sources do tell us that within his former company, Olbermann has been labeled an 'unperson' and Enemy of the Station."

"The mysterious disappearance of the Obama Regime's top propaganda mouthpiece Keith Olbermann is troubling," announced Bill O'Reilly on the O'Reilly Factor as a video montage of Joseph Goebbels ran on-screen. "The Left's complete lack of human dignity and decency is truly staggering. I fear he has already been euthanized as punishment for the Republican takeover of Congress. Tyrannies do not survive long without effective misinformation agents."

"Did Mr. Olbermann suffer from some undisclosed illness that the bureaucrats decided made him no longer cost-efficient?" asked contributor and former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. "Perhaps he thought he'd thought he'd be immune to the soul-destroying machine that is liberalism. But the beast came for him too, it looks like."

The report was quickly picked up by other conservative news outlets and is rapidly gaining traction in the media. Popular talk personality host Rush Limbaugh devoted the majority of his show on Friday discussing Olbermann's assumed murder and its long-lasting implications for the country.

"Given the terror regime of Barry Soetoro is now actively eliminating those within its ranks who fail to comply or meet preexisting standards, we can safely say that within a matter of weeks, possibly days, Obama will outlaw the Constitution and begin to reign as President for Life, and formally re-name the country The People's Socialist Republic of America. I can only hope that in the upcoming Night of Long Knifes takes [former Speaker of the House] Nancy Pelosi."

At least one prominent conservative has rejected the account, saying he doesn't believe the prominent liberal talking head is in any danger.

"This is nothing but a ruse by Obama's state-run media," declared Michael Savage. "While we're all busy wondering about Keith Olbermann, [Obama] is going to abolish private property and steal our guns."

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