WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a collaborative report with the Committee of 'I Don't Want to Hear That Shit', the Department of 'That's Fucking Gross' released a report today surveying the sex lives of over 1,000 elderly couples, in which it was discovered that the aged remain sexually active and enjoy satisfying sex lives.
"Contrary to established conventional wisdom, the elderly enjoy healthy and active sex lives," read an excerpt from the report which might as well be titled Imagine Your Grandmother Going for a Pogo Stick Ride on Grandpa. "In fact, many couples reported that they felt they were having the best sex of their lives."
"Many couples in their 70s and 80s reported having sex several times a week," said study head Dr. How-in-Christ's-Name-Does-He-Do-This. "With many females claiming to achieve multiple orgasms with regularity," claimed the doctor without visibly suppressing an urge to vomit.
While the study did note that sexual dysfunction does remain a problem for those over 60, medical advances have lessened or eliminated such problems as erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness and Seriously, What the Fuck.
Furthermore, the report stated, unnggh, that is revolting.
The report also documented instanced of sexual experimentation late in life, many reporting having tried anal sex and OK, I'm going to pretend I didn't just write that.
"We need to combat the myth that interest in sex diminishes with age," said Chamber of Am I Seriously Paying Taxes for This Crap spokesperson Karl Lamewalk. "Sexual activity remains a key component of a healthy marriage throughout life. It's important to establish a dialogue about elderly sex amongst the general public," angling for more of this fucked up garbage to be made public.
The study comes off the heels of an Out of Sight Out of Mind Center Survey, which had found that not thinking or talking about the elderly's genitalia caused them to cease to exist 87 per cent of the time.