Written by Gail Farrelly

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Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for State of the Union Speech 'Partners' Sought Online by Politicians
Hot town, hot time!

Washington is abuzz with activity as the countdown begins to President Obama's Tuesday evening speech.

As an article, "Odd Couples Created in Seating for Speech," on WSJ.com states, "This year, some lawmakers worried that partisan overtones would seem off-key after the Jan. 8 shootings in Tucson, Ariz, that targeted Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. So, a collection of cross-party pairs - odd couples, you might call them - are announcing plans to sit next to each other for the Tuesday event."

Spoof investigative reporter Gail Farrelly has checked out online dating websites and found numerous politicians seeking State of the Union Speech 'dates' -- ones that will further their political ambitions. And in some cases, their, um, non-political ambitions as well. Here are some of the ads under the heading of State of the Union Speech Partners Sought:

-- Male Republican House member seeks discrete same-sex Democratic lawmaker. House member okay, but Senators have the inside track. Availability for post-speech hanky panky a must.

-- Non-smoking female Democratic Senator seeks non-smoking male Republican Senator. Let's share the boredom of the speech (I'll bring the popcorn) and make up for it later with a smokin' hot good time.

-- Male Republican politician in market for high-ranking, attractive female White House executive. Experience a plus. Must be willing to sign a pre-speech agreement not to sue for sexual harassment.

-- Female Supreme Court Justice, a Democrat, seeks photogenic Republican male Senator to share the experience of the speech. No other activities required or welcome. Keep your hands to yourself or you'll be arrested and dragged into the highest court in the land.

Meanwhile it's been revealed that Charles Rangel, member of the House of Representatives, will attend the speech with new Speaker of the House, Republican John Boehner. "Not as dates," Rangel's spokesperson was quick to point out. "It's just that Charlie laughs a lot and John cries a lot, so they'll kinda balance each other out. Moderation in all things, it's the American way."

Let the games begin.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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