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Saturday, 22 January 2011

image for Talking Goat says Sarah Palin is the Antichrist

The news of Kah-Kah, a five year old Hailun breed goat, has astounded scientists around the world with what seems to be the first true and verifiable case of intelligent animal speech. And apparently, the goat had an announcement.

Hao Wei Yuan, his owner, told reporters, "I was in the rice field and I heard somebody calling my name. There was nobody. Only Kah-Kah. Then I understood that it was goat's voice."

After Wei Yuan brought the goat to his home, his wife and children refused to have any thing to with the animal. "They were frightened and told me to kill it. But I couldn't do it."

And yet the strangest part was yet to come, When US scientist Emery Bohred from Stanford University heard of the strange phenomenon, while on a tour of farms in late 2008, he decided to make the long journey to the isolated region to see for himself. "I admit, I didn't believe it. A talking goat? At best, I thought it would be making sounds that could possibly sound like words. I was not prepared for this."

When Bohred arrived, what he discovered astounded him. "It was speaking English. That's something I hadn't heard before. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. And not merely words but full sentences." The goat would spend hours chatting with local villagers under the Yam-yam tree in a variety of dialects but even the owners were stunned to hear the goat address the American strangers in their own language.

"You can't imagine my reaction. Kah-Kah actually asked me questions about where I was from, if I was married and my age. The goat even translated Chinese jokes into English, but I didn't quite see the humor. " After recovering the shock, Bohred asked Wei Yuan for permission to examine the goat more intensively. In the following three months, Bohred conducted a wide variety of experiments to determine how Kah-Kah might have developed such a capacity.

"I suspect it is genetic." offered Bohred, "I am still uncertain."

There was one thing that Kah-Kah kept repeating. At first, it was only a name. Sarah Palin. When I showed that I recognized the name, the goat clearly stated, 'Sarah Palin is the Anti-Christ.' For three days in March 2009, Kah-Kah continue to repeat that same sentence over and over."

"And then, the goat was silent." Bohred explained to reporters at a press conference. Wei Yuan, at his family insistence, finally slaughtered Kah-Kah in November 2010.

"My wife, she very angry with me. She say me ancient Chinese proverb. 'Just because a donkey can speak. it doesn't mean you have to listen.' "

There was, unfortunately, no record of the goat's last words.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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