Written by Jess Mylocke
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Friday, 21 January 2011

image for Piers Morgan Interviews Himself and Discovers How Incredibly Interesting and Inciteful He Is

Piers Morgan may be a stupid twat but that hasn't stopped some downright ignorant fucks from trying to whore themselves on his new telly show.

But Morgan's ego is so massive that he has told them to wait politely in a queue while he instead devotes his latest show to an in-depth interview with himself. The pre-recorded puke-fest portrays Morgan as a humble man, who loves orphans, kittens and gives generously to charities that are not run by the mafia.

The ponce-faced stiff Brit has been busy all afternoon preparing a list of questions that he deems suitable and appropriate for someone as incredibly wonderful and talented as himself to answer.

But this journalist has got her mitts on the scraps of paper the filthy prick tossed in the bin.

Here is a brief collection of questions deemed 'INAPPROPRIATE' - in that arsehole Morgan's view in any case:

"How the fuck did I get on American TV?"

"How the fuck did I get into the US? Surely I should have been deported for being an instrument of terrorism...or at least be deported for being a knob-jockey and skanky newspaper editor"

"Why do I have red cheeks? Is it because my face is an arse and I spew shite from my gaping hole?"

We cornered Mr. Morgan in a public toilet frequented by George Michael. After informing him that we were not interested in rogering him, we then put these questions to Morgan but he declined to comment and threatened to include us on America's Got Talent.

After squeezing out a juicy turd right in front of us, Morgan sped off in the direction of Simon Cowell's male pimpmobile.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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