Written by Tawdry Soup
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Thursday, 20 January 2011

Dusting off the confetti and accolades he received from Wall Street billionaires, after serving them two trillion dollars on a silver platter last year, followed by 600 billion in sleazy bond buyback deals this year, President Obama travelled to a studio to tape an important public service announcement.

Upon his arrival, the makeup crew went to work to cover his seed warts, polish his immaculate trillion-dollar smile, and pin his ears back so he wouldn't look like a black fire hydrant. A pimply-faced star-struck intern handed Obama the script. With a slight lilt to his voice that made him sound like an eternally optimistic high-dollar whore whose fallen on bad times, Obama read for the cameras:

"Fellow Americans, this is a time when we need to pull together. When I was signing checks to give all your money to Banka'merica, Goldman Sachs and Citibank, my pen, unfortunately, run outta ink afore I could sign the check to the food bank."

This was followed by a blinding display of ivory, then, "So come on, whatya say? Can you help a brother out?" Then he trotted out a horseshit bible quote about helping the needy.

The announcement concluded with some doomsday-like graphics more suitable for an SPCA commercial. The words "HUNGER" materialized on the screen, then faded from view. "That's a wrap!" yelled the Director. Obama took off his microphone, lit a cigarette, crossed his legs and stared pensively into space, looking every bit like the over-the-hill actress taking a break from her last hurrah.

After watching the public service announcement by her President in a posh Flint, Michigan home with a leaking roof, no heat and a car in the driveway that won't start, Emma Walter, muttered, "Too bad you can't eat irony."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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