Washington DC - President Barack Obama hosted the Chinese Communist leader, party Premiere Hu Jintao to an official state meeting yesterday. Observers from both the Democratic and Republican parties agreed that the US President may have set an overly conciliatory tone to start the meetings.
"For Christ's sake!" Complained one long time GOP official. "The first thing Obama did was hand Jintao a jar of Vaseline and some anal beads. Then he just dropped his drawers and bent over! Disgusting!"
"Yes, we do agree that President Obama could have fought a little harder." Admitted a Democratic insider. "The President's complaints about Chinese human rights violations rang a little hallow with his pants down around his ankles."
Our inside sources reveal that privately, the Chinese are characterizing the meetings as "negotiations for the terms of surrender". Major topics include a timetable for replacing the dollar with Chinese currency, preparing the American public to serve their new masters--especially accelerating the teaching of the Chinese language to American children--and the fate of South Korea and Japan.
Later that evening, a spokesman for the Chinese delegation addressed the media and made some comments that disturbed many and which were deemed "Unfortunate" by US Secretary of State Clinton.
"No more smiley smiley face!" Exclaimed the Chinese representative. "Hop Sing now own Bonanza. You pay now. You pay big time."
A senior Chinese delegate later apologized for the remarks, blaming them on "Language barriers" and "Translation error".
Hispanic leaders were despondent at the news. "Man, we can't catch a break" said one immigration reform activist. "All those years of dropping millions anchor babies, just when we think we're ready to jump on the gravy train, it turns out to be the orient express! Those Chinee ain't gonna put up with that bullshit! They won't even let their own people have babies! Working in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant in Los Angeles is one thing, but I'll go back to selling tortillas on the streets of Mexico City before I work in a Chinese factory or coal mine along side the Chinese prisoners...it's not safe!"