Written by W. Dipper
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Thursday, 20 January 2011

image for House Republicans Pursue, Launch Frenzied Attack On Health Care Bill

Washington D.C. - As President Barack Obama presided over a dignified state visit by Chinese President Hu Jintao at the White House, House Republicans over at the Capitol Building today showed an unusually high degree of blood lust as they went for the throat of the Affordable Health Care for America Act.

Like starving hyenas cackling and drooling as they circled an orphaned baby elephant, Republican lawmakers paced about the House floor before leaping to the podium to take cruel bites at the flanks of the terrified health care bill. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) led the frenzied attack. "We need to bring this beast down now," he said. "Let's bring it down and feast on it until only the bones are left to bleach in the sun."

Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA), the Chief Majority Whip of the House, called on his fellow Republicans to eagerly join in the slaughter. "I smell blood," he said. "Let's get after it."

Millions of Americans who have benefited directly from the new health reform law, looked on aghast at what was taking place before their eyes. "I've never seen anything like it in my life," Florence Whoster, visiting from her home state of Florida, said through tears. "This is total carnage, like wild dogs eating the faces off sheep for the sick fun of it. I can't watch anymore."

With new protections from insurance company abuses, lower prescription drug costs, tax credits to help small businesses provide insurance to their employees, and many other newly cherished benefits being pursued mercilessly beneath the Capitol dome, it definitely looks like there is a new gang in town.

"So much for the Age of Civility," commented Tad Rodentrap of Las Vegas, who was visiting the Capitol for the first time and was an eyewitness to the butchery. "This is kinda scary. I'm glad I didn't bring the kids, and I don't think I'll be coming back anytime soon. I'm outta here."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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