Former Vice President Dick Cheney, kept alive for the last two decades by government-run health care at a taxpayer expense of over one billion dollars, said yesterday that "trying to give health care to all Americans was President Obama's biggest mistake, and mark my words, it'll cost him the 2012 election."
Cheney was interviewed from an undisclosed location with ducks mounted on the walls, and was broadcast on NBC's Today. "My health care costs alone exceed over a billion dollars," he explained, "just think if the government tried to give everyone in America coverage like that, as a nation we'd be bankrupt."
The former Vice President and four-pack-a-day cigarette smoker, who has survived five heart attacks, continues to live through the aid of an elaborate and expensive medical device, with wires through his chest that communicate with a special vest he is required to wear that emits microwave signals to his heart.
"It's the damndest thing," Cheney said. "The amount of money it costs the taxpayers to keep me going is staggering, and I'm one tough, old bastard. There's no way the country can afford this kind of health care for all the average Americans out there."