Written by TomFoolery
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Topics: Texas, Crawford

Friday, 19 August 2005

CRAWFORD, TX-Riding the tide of publicity, fame and celebrity heaped on her as a result of her cockamamie traitorous trek to Texas, Democrat darling Cindy Sheehan has decided to advertise her availability to the highest bidder for all causes that help to defeat the Bush administration and its successors, and to promote the success of terrorists organizations around the world at the expense of our fighting forces in the Middle East and aggrandize liberal lunacy.

Cindy began distributing her business card (shown here) in Crawford to promote her budding freelance one-woman circus act and reality departure tour. Acting as her own business manager, advertising agent and lackey, and she hopes her success so far will continue to attract the likes of Michael Moore, with whom she is already in cahoots to produce a documentary of her ‘traffic-stopping' sit-in, with Cindy actually playing herself, since no attempts to find an actual actor to portray her have proven to be futile efforts.

Accusing President George W. Bush of being personally responsible for her son, Casey's, Iraq War combat fatality was the linchpin in her drive to garner broad national support to bring our troops home NOW so that terrorism will instantaneously cease to exist once the last American soldier is back on US soil. Confronted with the notion that her flawed fantasy does nothing more than fan the flames of fanatical foes, Cindy dismissed such obvious facts with a wave. "I'm an American with views and expectations that represent those of most of my fellow citizens…well, at least that's what John Dean, Ted Kennedy and Joe Byden keep telling me." She admitted that she was a complete nobody until she was ‘adopted' by Democrat ‘movers and shakers.' But it's nearly impossible to tell whether her, in her case, it has been a comeuppance or a comedownance.

Sheehan's paltry few followers have become despondent and depressed, many who didn't take long to ‘see through' the charade. But that's not what's driving her ‘fans' away. "Looky here, she promised us all a big spread of all-you-can-eat fried chicken and all-you-can-drink beer, explained an exasperated, hungry and thirsty hanger-on, Cletus ‘Beech Nut' Chaw. "Heck, you think we woulda come all the way out here in our motor home nothin'?" Not only was the promised grub not forthcoming, but the nearest water and toilet facilities were about a mile away as the crow flies. Apparently, the Colonel doesn't deliver that far out in the sticks, and Cindy's check for the Budweiser truck bounced. Cindy's repeated pleas for the rubberneckers to ‘stick it out' with her have begun to fall on deaf, departing ears.

Cindy refuses to see the writing in the dirt that her scheme is evaporating in the scorching country sun. Guess that's why she hopes her Democrat benefactors will come up with another ‘wild idea' to keep her in the public eye and continue to stir up trouble for the Bush Administration. If not, she's up for grabs. Her slogan "I'll Believe Anything if the Money is Right" will surely have ‘em beating a path to her tent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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