Nicole Kidman and her husband, Keith Urban, welcomed a new baby girl to their household, born December 28 via surrogate.
The couple, interviewed on the red carpet at the 2011 Golden Globe awards, expressed gratitude to their "gestational carrier." "It would have been too big a risk for Nicky to carry the child," Urban said, referring to his wife. "There was too great a danger of Botox poisoning being carried from mother to the fetus during pregnancy."
Dr. Howard Putoff, Head of Neonatology at the Mustard Clinic, explained the recent phenomenon: "Continuous abuse of Botox, especially during the first half of gestation, has been shown in clinical studies to disrupt muscular development, particularly affecting the flexion of the muscles of the brow."
"However," Dr. Putoff continued, "the average Botox user need not be concerned that they, too, will need to hire a surrogate in order to have an unafflicted child. Ms. Kidman's use was reportedly highly excessive, far beyond that of even a Beverly Hills housewife."
Marie Dyer, President of SPFF, the Society for the Protection of Fetal Foreheads, disagrees. "It's an enormous problem affecting each one of us, and it will only get bigger," she said with great seriousness, deeply furrowing her brow. "We're currently in the process of looking for a celebrity spokeswoman." Ms. Dyer reports that Ms. Kidman declined her request to endorse the newly-formed organization, which is dedicated to the prevention of pre-natal Botox poisoning. "We have approached Jessica Lange, who is the only woman in entertainment besides Rosie O'Donnell who has never used Botox. We have our fingers crossed!" she said, smiling and winking without difficulty.
Attempts to reach Ms. Lange were unsuccessful, though a spokesperson for Rosie O'Donnell reports that "If Jessica isn't interested, Rosie's all over it."