Written by rfreed
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Sunday, 16 January 2011

image for Jared Loughner Chosen to be New Poster Boy for Gun Club
All publications seem to be using the mugshot with no problem

Jared Loughner, the Tuscon shooter, has been chosen the poster boy of the year for the Nutso Retard Association of America (NRA).

The minute his mugshot hit the press, the top officials of the organizations almost unanimously said "That's our boy! He's got the look we want! He's clean cut (very!), he's got a winning smile, he's got a bright, happy look in his eyes. He's just the one to represent what we stand for!"

The NRA will begin using Jared's image on all of its advertising, promotions, products and elementary school handouts.

"Such a clean, pure, white image will surely attract the kind of people we want." stated Gilmore Blastass, spokesman for the Nutso Association. "Especially the white part. And on any advertising we do with audio content we are surely going to add that favorite song of his about bodies hitting the floor."

NRA representatives have already been dispatched to the jail where Loughner is being held to offer him his contract which includes a rewarding salary, bonus perks, future discounts on weaponry and all the medication his body can handle. This could take a while because Mr. Loughner isn't allowed to touch any sharp objects right now such as pens for signing the contract and also because he has suddenly developed a new passion for chewing on peoples faces like Hannibal Lector which makes it hard to communicate with him. Still, the NRA want him for their boy. "He's got that winning smile." stated Blastass, smiling creepily himself. "He's got those qualities we so want to see in our customers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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