THE WHITE HOUSE-In a move that has stunned and baffled both critics and supporters, President George W. Bush has decided to drop John Roberts as his nominee to fill the vacant seat on the U.S Supreme Court in favor of Cindy Sheehan.
According to political pundits from all angles, this is a brilliant decision. Since most of the opposition to Judge Roberts has come from the liberal democrat arena, the switch is seen as a simple way erase the left's witch hunt and curtail the approval process, enabling the high court to return to its daily routine without lengthy, unnecessary delays.
Government insiders also applaud the president for his quick thinking and clever maneuvering to eliminate negative publicity, both inside the beltway and throughout the country in his choice of Cindy as the new Supreme Court nominee. "She was rilin' a bunch of my neighbors, snarlin' local traffic, and the property values were startin' to fall," the president confided in an off-the-record chat at a luncheon with staffers. Now, instead of the president going out to talk to her in the president's hometown, Cindy can now ‘hightail it' up to ‘the east 40' and earn a few bucks at the same time. "I figured puttin' Cindy on the federal payroll was the quickest, easiest and cheapest way to get her out o' my hair and off my back,' Mr. Bush explained from the Oval Office following his surprising announcement.
Judge Roberts was shocked, incredulous, confused, angered and when he got the news. "I know I was being made out as some kind of monster by people who are distorting my reputation, my record and my values, but Cindy Sheehan? I mean, she doesn't even OWN a black robe, much less a gavel. I'm afraid I have to question the president's judgment on this one," Roberts told reporters camped out on his Georgetown lawn. But Roberts was visibly relieved that the spotlight is not directed elsewhere and he can ‘get back to the business of dispensing justice' with having to defend himself all the time.
Cindy Sheehan was speechless. Her hatred for the president and HIS war evaporated, like the sweat cascading down her sunburned face, when she heard she'd been called to Washington. "Now I can drop this charade and do something positive for a change. The president has shown me the light, and now I'm willing to follow where he leads," Cindy gushed, as she hastily packed up her tent and begged a ride to the airport from gawkers passing by her soon-to-be-forgotten vigil.
Having turned the tide of opposition into positive government momentum, President Bush can focus his attention and energy on winning the War on Terrorism. Rumor has it, he's considering giving Cindy Sheehan a real taste of ‘poetic' justice by sending her on a one-woman USO tour to entertain the troops ‘in honor of her son's ultimate sacrifice in the defense of freedom.'