SAN FRANCISCO - Tittle Tattle Tonight, the television news program that asks the questions that even the National Enquirer reporters forgot to ask has managed to get an interview with the foremost GOP mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh who is the host of his own talk show Rush Limbaugh Presents Telling The Whole Truth Even If I Have To Stretch It A Bit.
Limbaugh, who has been married four times, because word is that he spends way too much time running his mouth when he should be at home vavavooming with the missus, was asked about the seemingly never-ending gay rumors.
"El Rusho" as three of his ex-wives called, him took his 12 inch imported West Hollywood cigar out of his mouth and said that he guesses that a lot of that has too do with the fact that when he has the 12 inch cigar in his mouth, some have said that he is making the kind of face that intimate friends of Clay Aiken, Adam Lambert, and Neil Patrick Harris have made while in the midst of having (blank) sex.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I decided to leave out the word for the type of sex but I will offer this small hint, no pun included. The (blank) word is the first name of Tulsa, Oklahoma's (blank) Roberts University.]
Limbaugh who due to a recent weight gain is looking more and more like 409 pound Kirstie Alley except with a receding hairline, a silly-looking comb-over, and bigger boobs, said that if he were really gay he would be the first or seventh to admit it
He added that proof that he is not a fairy is the fact that when he goes to amusement parks and rides the merry-go-round, he has never once ridden one of the horses sidesaddle, like Elton John, Boy George, and Ricky Martin have.
"CigarLips" also admitted that he is allergic to lip gloss, crocheting, mascara, The Cupcake Channel, and Vagisil powder, so there is no way that he could possibly be gay.
In non-related news. The TLC Network has announced that it is scraping plans for the purposed Kathy Griffin and Bristol Palin reality show 'The Misadventures of The Fussin and Fightin Bitches.' A spokesperson gave the reasons as being that Bristol had just gotten way to fat and that Griffin had developed some kind of butt infection that causes her to say "Ouch!" every five minutes.