Birds are dropping dead at alarming rates. Bee populations continue to dwindle across America as well. In light of these recent die offs, parents who have not yet had "the talk" with their adolescent children are finding it necessary to use another idiom to replace the old "birds and bees" standard.
Some suggested alternatives have popped up in discussion circles at PTA meetings and other parent/teacher, parent/parent venues, but everyone is so used to saying birds and bees that it is difficult for anyone to adopt an alternative idiom.
One school of thought is for parents to take their children to an animal breeder and just let the animals do the talking for them. In this instance, they believe the term birds and bees would be interchangeable with any other animal/insect pairing such as dogs and dragonflies, cats and caterpillars, even monkeys and mosquitoes. While it would take some getting used to, most agree that in time, dogs and dragonflies could become as commonplace as birds and bees.
Alternatively, a few parents have suggested just using sign language to teach their children about intercourse. They suggest forming a circle with the index finger touching the thumb of the left hand while poking the index finger of the right hand in and out of the hole, indicating a sexual act. The suggested name for this particular action is the "Eh-Eh" named appropriately so because of the eh, eh, eh, eh, eh eh" sound made by the parents while poking the finger in and out of the hole.
While choosing an alternative to the birds and the bees has thus far proven to be a difficult task, there is one thing all the parents have been able to agree on and that is the fact that whatever the parents do, they must first feel comfortable enough not to laugh or get embarrassed when having "the talk" with their children. Bob Funkenwalder claims that he blew it big time last week when, in the middle of the "Eh Eh" talk with his 12-year old son, he broke down and started laughing so hard, his wife had to take over. She tells us that she had to put her son in the car and take him down to her uncle's farm where fortunately, the goats were horny as hell.