Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Prison, Hanging

Wednesday, 17 August 2005

image for BTK Killer BTK's himself

(CNN) - Prison officials made a gruesome discovery today when they found notorious BTK killer Dennis Rader in a blood soaked cell hanging upside down swinging from the rafters with all limbs severed and half of his partially exploded skull in the toilet. Prison psychologists say that Rader, obsessed with BTK'ing and unable to find anyone to BTK behind bars, ultimately relieved his pent up, psychotic twisted frustation by BTK'ing himself.

"I have NO idea how he did that" said one guard tasked with sopping up the grisley remains. Officials speculate that somehow, despite tight prison security Rader obtained a crude hacksaw, a couple of steak knives, 20 feet of rope, a 9 millimeter sawed off shotgun, 3 rolls of duck tape, a miniature portable crane and 140 grams of XK-11 plastic explosives.

"Again we don't know how he did that" said prison Warden Alexander Holmes adding, "Rest assured. Our security here is tight. We haven't had a breakout or bloody prison riot in over three months."

Preliminary forensic reports suggest that Rader not only dismembered himself and beheaded his own head but somehow repeatedly brutally raped himself before blowing himself up and passing out in a twisted, sordid grisly mass of mangled human goo, swinging from the rafters.

Prison officials say that the half of his face found in the toilet displayed a most unsettling ghastly grin. Inside sources say that Brader, faced ultimately with life in prison reportedly left a disturbing farewell note, written in Irish prose, etched entirely with his own blood on the back of one of his mangled severed limbs.

Elaine Brader, mother of the BTK killer said she simply cannot believe that her son is a half-crazed blood-thirsty satanic mass murderer. She told reporters,

"He was a good kid .. never got into trouble growing up. Of course we did find the cat in the blender one day but we thought that was just an accident." She added,

"The dog in the microwave we're still not sure about".

Funeral services for the remaining remains of totally un-remorseful BTK killer Dennis Rader, slayer of 10, satan himself will be held this Friday at the Wichita city dump.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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